THE Isle of Man Constabulary is urging members of the public to look out for the early warning signs of domestic abuse.

According to police domestic abuse affects one in four women and one in six men throughout their lives.

The police definition of domestic abuse is: "Any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, emotional, financial, sexual or physical) between adults who are, or who have been, intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender."

PC Judith Bradford, the domestic abuse coordinator for the Isle of Man Constabulary, said that before an abuser starts physically assaulting his or her victim they typically demonstrate abuse tactics through certain behaviours.

She has provided the following information on the five major warning signs to look out for:

Charm:

"Abusers can be very charming. In the beginning they may seem to be Prince Charming or a knight in shining armour.

"They can be very engaging, thoughtful, considerate and charismatic. He or she may use that charm to gain very personal information about their victim. They will use that information later to their advantage.

"For example they will ask if their victim has ever been abused by anyone. If they say 'yes' then they will act outraged that anyone could treat them that way. Then when they become abusive they will tell their victim that no one will believe them because they have said that before and it must be the victim's fault or else two people would not have abused them.

"Another example is that the abuser may find out their victim has abused drugs in their past. They will threaten that if they tell anyone about the abuse they will report them as a drug user and they will lose their children. The threat to take away children is one of the most common threats abusers use to maintain power and control over their victims."

Isolation: 

"Abusers isolate their victims both geographically and socially. Geographic isolation includes moving the victim from their friends, family and support system, moving frequently in the same area and/or relocating to a rural area.

"Social isolation usually begins with wanting their victim to spend time with them and not their family, friends or co-workers. They will then slowly isolate them from any person who is a support. 

"The abuser dictates who their victim can talk to - they tell them they cannot have contact with family or friends."

Jealousy:

"Jealousy is a tool abusers use to control their victims. They will accuse them of having affairs. If they victim works they will accuse them of having affairs with a co-worker. Abusers routinely call their victims 'whores' or 'sluts'."

Emotional abuse:

"The goal of emotional abuse is to destroy the victim's self esteem and self confidence. The abuser will blame them for their violence, will put them down, call them names and make threats against them. 

"Over time the victim will no longer believe they deserve to be treated with respect and will blame themselves for their abuser's violence. For some survivors of domestic abuse the emotional abuse may be more difficult to heal from than the physical abuse."

Control:

"Abusers are very controlled and are controlling people. In time the abuser will control every aspect of the victim's life - where they go, how they wear their hair, what clothes they wear, who they talk to. They will control the money and access to money. 

"Abusers are also very controlled in their actions. While they appear to go into a rage or be out of control they are actually very much in control of their behaviour.

"The following are reasons why we know their behaviour is not about anger or rage:

- They do not assault other individuals – if someone crosses them they do not necessarily resort to violence. They wait until they have no witnesses and abuse the person they say they love.

- If you ask a victim if their abuser can stop when the phone rings or someone comes to the door they will usually reply 'yes. Most often when the police turn up the abuser is looking calm, cool and collected and the victim is the one who may look hysterical. If the abuser was totally 'out of control' they would not be able to stop themselves when it was in their advantage to do so.

- "The abuse very often escalates from pushing and shoving to hitting in places where the bruises and marks will not be seen (head, face, hands and feet). If the abuser was out of control they would not be able to direct or limit their kicks, slaps or punches."

PC Bradford has also highlighted the patterns of thinking and behaviour associated with domestic abusers. For more on this click here.

If you or someone you know is being affected by domestic violence and you would like more information contact PC Judith Bradford on 01624 631495.