TWO foster carers in the Isle of Man have said fostering is an experience they will treasure forever.

Elizabeth* and Dave* have spoken to isleofman.com in a bid to encourage more people to become foster carers.

There are currently 130 children in care in the Isle of Man. Of these children 52 have found a more stable and nurturing homelife through foster carers.

Elizabeth and Dave have been fostering for 19 months and currently care for two children under the age of four.

Elizabeth, who has one daughter who is in her late 20s, said she turned to the idea of fostering after several unsuccessful attempts at having another baby and numerous cycles of Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) treatment.

She explained: "We thought about fostering back then but it wasn't the right time to do it. I had to prove to myself first that I couldn't have any more children. I had a hysterectomy and it was at that point when I was in hospital that the doctor said to me 'It's not the end - you can adopt or foster'.

"Friends had also said it but you juggle it in your mind and it's got to be the right time. You've got to be 100 percent."

After discussing both fostering and adoption at length Elizabeth and Dave made the decision to proceed with fostering.

Elizabeth continued: "Fostering was always going to be the right decision for us. We wanted to offer children a home – that’s what we always said. We could give a family that needed help, that bit of care and attention towards their children."

After registering their initial interest the couple were put through a rigorous six month assessment to determine if they were suitable to become foster carers. For some people this can take up to a year and involves child development training, training on confidentiality and first aid and working with social workers.

Elizabeth explained: "The assessment is very very thorough – it makes you look back on your own life and things that have been in the back of your mind are brought up. You know it has to be done because at the end of the day they need to know what kind of a person you are in order to put children with you."

Dave added: "For anyone going into fostering the hardest thing can be the paperwork – it can be daunting but once you start it, it's like a record of your life. If you do have difficulty fostering staff can help you fill it in."

After completing the assessment Elizabeth and Dave were ecstatic when a toddler was placed into their care. Shortly after they also agreed to foster a baby. 

Describing how they felt when they first met the children Dave said: "It's hard to put in words really but innocent - an innocent child that's done nothing wrong in this world.

"When you first take a child on you think about how you are going to react to the child and how they are going to react to you. As a new foster carer it does cross your mind. There are no books to read to explain it – it’s from the heart."

In most cases children are placed into care when they can no longer live safely with their birth parents. This can be down to drug and alcohol addiction, domestic violence, mental health problems and neglect. Foster carers can chose to foster short term - for a few weeks or several months, long term - when a child is unable to return home or in emergency situations when a child very suddenly comes into care.

Fiona Lassen, the head of the Island's fostering service Fostering First, said: "We know that what happens to a child by the time that they are five patterns their brain. So if you give them a really good experience you are helping that child long-term. Even if these children go off somewhere else, what you put in now is there forever."

"We've always said that if a child needs our help, we would be there to offer it if we can," explained Elizabeth.

She continued: "The best thing about fostering is watching these children flourish. Every day is a different day in our household. Our house used to be quiet and now there are toys everywhere, it's loud and lovely.

"It's challenging and rewarding and the rewards are when they come up to you and they know you're there for them and you're keeping them safe. It's so enjoyable, sometimes you can't describe it."

Foster carers are required, in most cases, to keep contact with the birth family. "There is always the hope that a child will go back to its family – and you are working towards that," said Fiona.

Both Elizabeth and Dave think this is important in stopping a child from losing its identity. "You have to keep an open mind. At the end of the day that is the child's family, no matter the circumstances or what has gone on in any child's life," explained Elizabeth.

Foster carers also keep a log of everything that their foster children do – from their daily routine to eating habits, appointments and important milestones such as the first haircut and first tooth. This is something Elizabeth feels is beneficial to children. "They won’t have anyone else to ask if this isn't done – it's the beginnings of their little life so it's very important," she said.

Fostering First provides payment for carers but the amount differs depending on the age and needs of the child being cared for.

Fiona said: "As the fostering manager I will try to get as much remuneration for carers as possible as I think they do an amazing job. But you can't do this as a job or for the money - you have to do it from the heart because you want to help children."

The couple said earning money from fostering wasn't important to them. Elizabeth explained: "It's not about money, it's about what you're giving to a child. Money could never buy this experience – never ever."

An inevitable part of the fostering process is the day when children are either reunited with their birth family, fostered in a long term placement or adopted.

Elizabeth and Dave admit that when this happens for them it will be traumatic. Elizabeth revealed: "We know one day they are going to go and we will be heartbroken but it's a bridge that we will cross when we come to it.

"We've never done it before so it's going to be a new experience for us. Yes it's going to break our hearts but we know there is going to be other children and other families that want the same kind of help that we are giving at the moment.

"I always say if you didn't get attached you couldn't give them that environment and affection that they need. You've got to get attached to the children. It helps them grow in confidence."

Fostering First provides help and support to carers throughout the fostering process. The organisation is keen to develop this support further so that carers feel they are part of a community and are not fostering in isolation.

David believes this team spirit is important. He said: "Fostering is rewarding and you are part of a team. We have meetings with all the foster carers and we're all in the same boat."

Since Elizabeth and David started fostering the couple say they have never looked back.

Elizabeth explained: "We meet people who say 'I'd love to do that' but it is within everyone's grasp. If you've got the room and the time and patience, there are children on this Island that need you.

"What you're doing is bringing them into your home, your way of life, your whole family. We just want to give children what they deserve – good beginnings.

"You can only try it and they'll bring so much to you, you'll see them grow and thrive. It's hard but it's so enjoyable – to watch them thrive is fantastic. It brings tears to your eyes.

"As much as we are helping them it has been a privilege to have that experience and for us to be in their lives. We will treasure it forever."

If you would like more information on becoming a foster carer in the Isle of Man please contact Fostering First by e-mailing fosteringfirst@thechildrenscentre.org.im or by calling 01624 631947.

*Names have been changed - picture posed by actors