THE head of fostering services in the Isle of Man has said the Island needs to get more children out of residential care homes and into families.
Fiona Lassen the fostering services manager for Fostering First – the organisation contracted by the Government to deliver the fostering service for the Island - said children need to experience family life.
She said: "We need to get more children who are in residential care into foster care. It's much better for children to have the experience of a family and have that commitment from people who will see them through for the long haul."
Fostering First has recently run a series of drop-in sessions to encourage more residents to sign up to become foster carers.
Fiona continued: "The aim is to meet the need for more children to go into families and have family life. It's identified that that is the best way of bringing children up in society and we do not have enough families who are willing or able to take children who need short term and long term care.
"We've also got a population of foster carers who are starting to retire. So we desperately need to get people coming in to keep it at the level we've got and then over and above if possible."
Children are fostered when they can no longer live safely with their birth parents. This can be down to drug and alcohol addiction, domestic violence, mental health problems and neglect.
Foster carers must be over 21 but there is no upper age limit. Carers can be married, divorced, single or co-habiting. It does not matter if a foster carer has their own children or whether they own their own home.
Fiona believes that some people who would be ideal foster carers are put off in case they end up with a child that is "difficult".
She explained: "I find that there are people out there who are scared to come forward who think 'I don't want one of those difficult children'. I'd really like to get across to people that it isn't that the children are difficult.
"I hate calling it 'behavioural problems' because it makes it sound like they are naughty kids. They are not naughty children – they are confused and upset children who don't understand what is happening.
"That will show in their behaviour because that's the only thing that they can do. The child is showing that they are distressed and we need to respond to that in a positive way that helps them get that distress out and start to manage it and overcome it.
"The more you move a child the more difficult the behaviour becomes because they don't trust people. They don't believe they are going to stay anywhere. You're asking them to make lots of relationships with people at a time when they are emotionally distraught. How can they do it?"
"I think it's one of the biggest reasons people don't come forward. Their heart says 'I'd like to foster' but their head says 'oh my god what will it mean to our lives'."
Fiona believes that those that go through the fostering process will find it rewarding. She said: "Children come to a foster carer with lots of difficulties through no fault of their own. It's not their own making but they can get labelled as bad children when it's just not true. They can be hard to manage at times but it can be very very rewarding when you have helped a child do the things that they should have been able to do when they were much younger."
There are several types of fostering including short term – which may be for a few weeks to several months, emergency fostering – when a child comes into care suddenly, and long term – when a child is unable to return home. There is also respite care - regular care for children for short periods of time as a support to their family or other foster carers.
Fostering First believe strongly in teamwork and are keen to help foster carers at every stage of the fostering process.
Fiona explained: "Our philosophy is very much that foster carers are colleagues and that we all work together to look after and help the children that come into foster care.
"We are very supportive. We know that when you are a new foster carer you're going to face a lot of things that maybe you haven't faced before. Fostering is a learning process and you can get a huge amount of skill out of it for yourself and your own future development."
Foster carers in Fiona's opinion do not need to be "special". She said: "I don't think you have to be special - I think you have to be able to think in a different way. You have to be able to accept that things are not black and white and that it's possible to parent these children.
"It's people who really like a challenge and will find it really rewarding to see children grow and develop and to accept children as they are. People who are very nurturing, grounded, and warm - but no high expectations.
"If you really like helping children develop emotionally you'll really enjoy fostering. If you like being part of a group trying to help a child you'll really enjoy fostering. If you're a controlling person this is not for you. You need to be flexible."
So far there has been a good response to the drop-in sessions with around 25 people attending the event in Ramsey.
Fiona said: "If out of this we could get five new carers who want to foster short term or long term I would think that was fantastic.
"I'd like to find carers to take children between 11 and 14 and to stick with these teenagers because they really are the ones who need the support. If you want them to come out the other end and manage in life they have to have someone who stands by them."
If you would like more information on becoming a foster carer please contact Fostering First on 01624 631947 or e-mail fosteringfirst@thechildrenscentre.org.im.
